It’s been one week since my brain surgery and it’s literally crazy for me to think that a week ago I was undergoing surgery for something unknown. This entire process has been an exercise in trust and faith and it isn’t over, it’s never over. This song holds so true to every aspect of our family’s journey, with Reagan and now with this new road of my brain surgery and tumor. We are open to invite others to view the journey b/c honestly, there’s no other way we are doing this except with the strength of Jesus. Please know that.
As I’ve been recovering and receiving visitors, the emotion I have the most is thankfulness. So thankful that I am able to talk, walk, eat…that the bad scenarios, even the slightest hint of the possibility of them, didn’t happen. And people say, “God is so good” b/c of that. But let me tell you, he’s still good…even if this best case scenario didn’t happen.
I stand in my house and I look at my daughter, who is doing things she shouldn’t be doing, but also not as much as she could if her crisis didn’t happen, and God is still good. I have learned so much from her. And now I have this weird brain thing in common with her. Different completely, but we’re both on seizure medications (at least for the time being for me) it’s preventative as things settle in with my brain. As I’ve watched Reagan this last week, one of our prayers for her to be easy, calm, obedient during the recovery has been answered amazingly. She’s turning into a five year old in front of me, and all I can do is watch…b/c I can’t do much else but take it in.
While we brought people into the fold of what’s going on before my surgery, a common sentiment was, “you guys do not need to be dealing with more than you already are!” and totally I can agree and understand that. But man, it is so cool to know God has something uncharted for us, designed exclusively by him, for us to give the glory back to God in our circumstances. It requires trust. And I have learned over the last few years that this verse from 2 Corinthians 4:17-18 is nothing but infallible truth.
For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal.
God is doing something in our family that will last and to know that he will bend down, and allow affliction, for eternal glory, it makes no sense, but it’s truth. Only God can turn beauty from ashes (Isaiah 61:1-3, I encourage you to read it). It’s why I had it tattooed on my arm when we went to NY earlier this year. I wanted, and needed, the constant reminder every day. Beauty for ashes…that’s the business God is in.
A word on Trust and a shout out to my co-workers
When I chose my word for 2017, it was trust. I wasn’t happy that was the word God gave me, but it was 100% clear it was the word I was given. And I knew, I just knew I was going to have a trial. Something difficult would come across my plate, it’s through adversity that God gives you the opportunity to exercise your faith and trust muscles. The first thing I knew God was asking me to do, was move offices. I felt the change was right, but I didn’t understand all the reasons. Looking back, he was aligning so many things. I’ve added a team member, I am supported in ways I didn’t even realize I needed. The steps that were necessary required trust, action and forward motion on my part. I feel like so many moments of my year have been God revealing more and more of himself, how he cares for me, looks after me and provides for me. The outpouring of support from my co-workers and customers during this time…it’s been amazing. Every one of my customers has been cared for, and everything that has required work has been taken care of on my behalf. One of the prayers the pastors at our church prayed over me was that my business wouldn’t be affected negatively, b/c as a self employed people, it’s something we think of and I was worried. He prayed that the opposite would happen and that more business and understanding people would flood around me. That has continually happened and it’s totally God and an answer to prayer. It’s exceedingly more than I could have expected, another promise from God. Truly I am just overwhelmed and grateful, I don’t think I can ever say thank you enough…and it all started with trust.
You don’t always have to understand the why when God asks you to do something, you just have to trust. When he says go, don’t delay. Delayed obedience is disobedience. And man, now standing on the other side of my obedience…I’m so thankful I can trust the one who made me, who loves me and my whole family and who has me covered under his massive wings of protection. I pray you will allow God the opportunity to show you that he can be trusted in your life too.