The other day I decided to look at Reagan’s adoption video…with her birthday coming up, I think I was getting sentimental about the day she was born and wanted to relive those first few moments. I was shocked that in just a year, almost 20,000 people have viewed it.

Before the adoption video, I did the infertility video…and in two years, almost 12,000 people have viewed that. I have no idea what made me start sharing things so personal in my life.  It’s not for the “view count” I really think I just needed a way to express how I was feeling, the videos are an outpouring of my heart and from tears shed to show that life is hard…there’s real struggles people face and I know I’m not the only one. You can feel alone in infertility…you can feel alone when dealing with something that most people don’t have to. One way to not feel alone, is to talk about it, the videos for me helped to open conversations not just for me, but for others who are dealing with tough stuff.

If I were to look back at that first infertility video…and how I made it one afternoon just sitting in a puddle of my own tears, wondering when my time was supposed to come, there’s no way that back then I could even fathom making a video for my one year old to celebrate her first year.

What has unfolded in our lives, has always been the plan God had in store, but I didn’t know…and how could I? God is the only one who has the blimp view of life and can see the beginning, the middle and the end of the parade. And he knew, that we needed to go through painful years of infertility to have what it takes to care for Reagan. And if I watch all three videos in a row, I get that blimp view except I’m looking back at the start of parade vs. God who can also look forward. And looking back I can say God is good. But not only that…I need to have faith that says, “look forward and know that God is good.”

As I look back on this past year, I am looking back with huge smiles and tears of joy, truth be told, I was scared to death for what the year would hold. I was holding my breath and on the edge of my seat. I feel like this video for Reagan’s first year is a sigh of relief. And I hope we go through many years with her where we can look back with a big smile, such pride and unbelief at how amazing she is. This is her story…we’re just watching it unfold.