Let’s sleep together

What I mean by that title is…as a family, let’s all go to bed at 8:30 p.m. and…SLEEP!

Tuesday Reagan had her Nemours appt. and b/c she’s doing well eating (she has about 150g of food/day) and b/c she’s growing like a weed, and b/c she’s been able to tolerate seven oz. of formula via G-tube at most of her feedings, we requested to increase her food allotment and lower her formula volume by two oz. so we could try to fit all 28 oz. of formula in during the day and eliminate her feeding at night.

Well HALLELUJAH our team at Nemours agreed. They have been so pleased with her progress and so have we. It has been a loooooong road these past eight months. It has been the deepest valley I have ever known in life and I’m pretty sure I can say the same for Rob. So getting the news that we can go to bed at whatever time we want and sleep…is like the best Christmas present ever.

So, on Tuesday night, when I rocked Reagan for what is hopefully the last time while she’s feeding at 10:30 p.m. I got a little sad. Aside from being beyond exhausted for these past eight months and running on fumes I have loved rocking her. She’s still, she’s peaceful, and we fall asleep together rocking. She smells so good. She is so beautiful. I have brushed her hair, rubbed her feet, kissed her forehead and soothed her cries. [Full disclosure: I’ve also been thrown up on].

Our bond was strengthened during those night feedings. I needed them to reconnect, to learn about Reagan again. For the first few months Rob read all the Psalms and all the gospels. And as I type this I am actually getting tears in my eyes b/c those were some of the most special moments as a family. They were quiet, they were deep, it was just us (and Bauer tapping his paws in and out of Reagan’s room).

This last night, Reagan held on to my finger, just like she did when we met for the first time. She rarely does this.

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As she held my finger, I felt her heart beating. I will always remember that. The last week and a half, Reagan’s been sleeping through the night in her crib. She used to wake up about 20-30 minutes before her night feeding so I’d end up rocking her for almost an hour as it would take time for her to calm down and for Rob to get her formula ready. Her feeding would take 20-30 minutes depending on how much she needed to finish out her allotment for the day. Adding to our exhaustion these past few months, Reagan would wake up at 2 or 3 a.m. and cry for an hour and then be up at 5 or 6 a.m., coupled with just a 40 minute nap during the day. But this past week, she’s just been sleeping. It’s like she was letting us know, I’m ready to sleep again. I’m ready to keep growing and becoming a big girl.

I am so proud of her. I am proud of Rob and I. I am so thankful that God has helped us through these last eight months. There is no way we would have made it out alive and still loving each other without God. #prayerworks

5 Replies to “Let’s sleep together”

  1. You now know unconditional love. I love where you said “she smells so good, and rubbing her feet. Anne Marie I am so proud of you all. You have all grown together. God bless you.

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