Haven’t been in a writing mood lately. The last time I wrote was after Thanksgiving, and I couldn’t publish it because it was just a hard post to put out there. I clicked ‘publish’ today and I hope you read it here.
For the past month, Rob and I have been going back and forth to the beach. Taking some much needed time to restore our souls from the day in, day out grind of life. Parenting can wear you down. And being a special needs parent can be so challenging and frustrating.
Over the past month, we’ve allowed ourselves to just sit and look out at the vastness of the ocean. At night, we open the door and listen. Sitting, listening and looking at God’s creation, quickly allows us the realization that we are so small. We can see that God’s got us. And when the days of disciplining and living in toddler land reach a peak because it seems like we’re not making any headway and we’re just treading water…God’s holding us. He’s still providing us with hope.
Physically viewing something so majestic for an extended amount of time, like the ocean, watching the waves crash, watching the tide come in and go out, every single day, I know God is in control. My life might feel chaotic, like rough waves and rushing waters, but God is in control. And maybe things don’t make sense to me, because I can’t physically see how they could make sense. But God tells me about the things that are unseen…and in that realm, there’s a rhythm, there’s the truth that God’s working all things out and he’s finishing the work he started in me, in Rob and in Reagan.
As a mom to a feisty special needs little girl, I feel that sometimes I’m dealing with things waaaay above my pay grade. I get frustrated, I grit my teeth, I raise my voice. I feel bad. I question my tactics. I pray I’m not messing this child up and then I pray for real (as I pour a glass of wine) God please help me!
I feel like how Reagan tantrums and acts out is sometimes how I act toward God. But I don’t wannnna do that, God! That’s too hard, God! I don’t really know if your way is the best way, God!
And what I need to remind myself of is this
There has never been the slightest doubt in my mind that the God who started this great work in you would keep at it and bring it to a flourishing finish on the very day Christ Jesus appears. Phil 1:6 (MSG)
And also to have hope:
But hope means that we must trust and wait for what is still unseen. For why would we need to hope for something we already have? So because our hope is set on what is yet to be seen, we patiently keep on waiting for its fulfillment. Rom 8:24-25 (The Passion Translation)
God is going to complete the good work in me. And I can have hope in its fulfillment. The fulfillment that will happen in this life, and in the next.
I read two devotionals this morning and that’s why I decided to write. They both impacted me so I want to share them with you. I pray that when hard days happen, that I will remind myself that God’s working on something in me, and also in the people around me. He’s not going to give up on me. He is as consistent as the tides coming in and out and I can fully trust God with my everything.