February 21, 2015

“Complain if you must, but don’t lash out. Keep your mouth shut, and let your heart do the talking.” Psalm 4:4 (The Message)

Reagan at fence

“Let the light of your face shine upon us, O Lord.” Psalm 4:6

“There is something missing in all of this, it suggests, there is something more…We listen and we are aware of – a sigh. And under the sigh is something dangerous, something that feels adulterous and disloyal to the religion we are serving. We sense a passion deep within; it feels reckless, wild.” John Eldridge, The Sacred Romance

After weeks, more like months, of waking up early, only to roll over and go back to sleep, it took a prompting during a table discussion at a men’s bible study to start this journey. But that calling had been here for a while, and I kept silencing the voice that was calling out for I felt I was doing enough and the best I could with everything that has happened and continues to happen. But there is more. More in me, and more God wants out of me so I can better understand Him and where this journey is taking me and my family.

We stick out – not because we have a child with special needs, but because our lives are being pulled in a completely different direction than everyone else. People notice us, follow our journey and struggles, share with us their struggles, and find comfort in knowing they don’t have to put on a mask or front when they communicate with us. There is a rawness, a realness to our struggles that everyone can relate to only because we are being faithful and honest with expressing what we are going through. I pray we can continue to do this – free from arrogance or pride. There is nothing arrogant or prideful about being a parent to a special needs child, only overwhelming love and joy to watch her tackle her struggles head on as if there was nothing standing in her way – and to her, there is nothing there.

Reagan standing with bauer

For that, I am proud. I pray we can have faith like that, one that can move mountains. “Let the light of your face shine upon us, O Lord.”


comments +

  1. Sandra Esfahani

    February 23rd, 2015 at 2:29 am

    I always think of a certain quote as I follow your incredible and inspirational journey overflowing with love, faith, patience and determination from St. Francis of Assisi. “Start by doing what’s necessary; then do what’s possible; and suddenly you are doing the impossible.”

    I understand it does not seem to be suddenly to you but to one looking in, the strides you and Sweet Reagan have made in the past months are so endearing and real, I personally am amazed and holding on dearly to hope through prayer and belief!!!

    Love to you all – Sandra

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