I’ve been an emotional mess lately. Reagan is starting preschool this month. Yeah, this month. We signed her up in February, claiming the very last spot that was open, and I thought between February and August, I’d surely have enough time to prepare myself. But actually, I don’t think any amount of time would have been enough to prepare myself, mentally or emotionally.
I think a lot of moms and dads probably go through these emotions when the firsts start happening. First day of preschool, first day of Kindergarten, etc. Don’t get me wrong, I’m really excited for Reagan to go and have a little more wind beneath her wings, I think it will be wonderful for her growth.
But, I’m also worried, for reasons other typical parents might not worry. I don’t want her to have another crisis. I don’t want us to have hospital stays for days or weeks because she picks up a really bad cold or stomach bug. I want the other kids to love her and want to be her friend. I don’t want her to be a “charity” friend because of her special needs. I want the other parents to understand where we’re coming from, but explaining this, and this, and this and this over and over again is really hard. I wish they just knew about everything already. I wish the parents and kids our family is about to meet were on this journey along side of us since the beginning. I guess the explaining and educating that we do, will have to be done every year as part of our process. And now these new families are a part of another step forward in our journey.
And then these thoughts creep in: “Will preschool be the only time she’s not in a special needs class? Will she be able to catch up by watching other kids? Will they be kind to her? Will she be kind to them? Will the other parents be understanding in the severity of Reagan’s disorder and why it’s so important to keep her healthy? What will the rest of this year look like. How is it August already?!
sigh…
I need to take a deeeeeeeep breath.
All this circular thinking just brings me back to the fact that God’s got her in the palm of his hand. He’s got us. He’s always had us, even when we were trying to jump out of the comfort of his hand, he kept us in it. It’s really hard to pull myself back into his palm and sit willingly when the thoughts keep coming and the what if’s never end.
We’ve received a lot of confirmation that it’s time for her to go to preschool. We feel this is where God is leading us and we want to give Reagan every opportunity to learn and catch up with her peers. It is scary, all those unknowns, but all of life is unknown and nothing is guaranteed.
Please please pray for us as we embark into this new and H U G E change in our lives and pray Reagan remains healthy and has no setbacks. Pray she learns leaps and bounds from her peers and only continues to move forward in her continued recovery and healing.
