Tears

I am sitting here with hot tears just rolling down my face.  Reagan started foods…and it is really exciting. But my baby eating foods is not like your baby eating foods.

Reagan’s dietician Sandy gave us menus to work with as Reagan starts food…we have a certain amount of Lysine Reagan can have a day. During the last visit, Sandy gave us four menus to work with as we’ve started to add in foods. We can choose from one of these menus every day…this food is in addition to the 29 oz. of formula she’s currently having every day.

  1. 16 grams rice cereal & 53 grams of sweet potatoes
  2. 19 grams of rice cereal & 71 grams of pears
  3. 16 grams of rice cereal & 53 grams of squash
  4. 17 grams of rice cereal & 71 grams of peaches

In these recipes Sandy’s figured out the grams of protein in each menu (about 1.7) and the milligrams of Lysine (btw 76-78).

i-m-so-confused-o

There’s a math formula to figure that out…oh joy. Have I mentioned before that I have math anxiety…it’s a real thing, if you don’t believe me, refer to paragraph one.

So in order to figure out a daily menu for Reagan, here’s what’s involved:

Protein amount (in grams)
x % of Lysine = (I have no idea what this equals)

*Side note, food companies don’t tell you the Lysine content in anything…you have to figure it out…there’s a separate sheet for that to refer to. Yay! More numbers!

Take the equals amount and multiply (x) 1000 = (I have no idea what this equals)

DIVIDE!! (I don’t even know where the division signal is on the keyboard)
= mg of lysine / gram of food. And this is what we are trying to figure out every day.

Are you thoroughly lost yet? Yeah, now you know why I’m in tears.

unfair

But then again…

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In order to be helpful, Rob found a spreadsheet online from a textbook that we now own, which has every single baby food available.  So now, we have all the baby food catalogued in Excel…It’s 300 rows long and eight columns wide. Rob is so good he even did nine tabs of the different brands. In the spreadsheet there’s the name of the food, how much is in a container, jar, pouch or tablespoon, followed by how much that container, jar, pouch or tablespoon weighs, in grams, and then followed by the gram count of protein.

yes! we won...we found a cheat sheet. But, don't get too excited...
yes! we won…we found a cheat sheet.                  But, don’t get too excited…

Then…there’s a column for “Known mg Lysine/gram of food” which is blank for 300 rows. Yeah…that’s 300 math problems for something I don’t understand…and have been trying to understand for days.  And here come the tears again…

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Sure, it’s probably really easy for anyone else out there who doesn’t have math anxiety or someone who got through high school algebra II with a C or better…not someone like me who failed that class and had to make it up in summer school. I’m also the girl who cried in college as I walked out of finite math (yes, finite math, apparently it’s supposed to be easy). I opted to take college algebra at community college b/c they offered extra credit for going to the math lab. I spent five to ten hours every week in the math lab, b/c 1) I needed it and 2) I needed it!

This math formula that I am now charged with knowing like the back of my hand in order to figure out what Reagan can eat on a daily basis, is stressing me out just a bit (could you tell from the animated gifs in this post?)…

I don’t know how to do the math, my mind just doesn’t work this way…not to mention I just have so many awful memories of math class and how stupid I felt or was made to feel.

At our last appointment at Nemours, I was transported back to math class.  I really tried hard to pay attention, but I was lost.  As our dietician explained everything to us, Rob instantly comprehended what she was saying and told me he’d explain it to me. But I really don’t know if he fully understood my aversion to math. My eyes literally started to glaze over as I watched Sandy and Rob do these math problems together…it was so simple for them…and I just thought, “How am I ever going to understand this and be able to do this?”

And…now I’m sobbing.

crying-gidf

When I took my last math class 13 years ago that was it for me…there was no more math in my future. Heck, I narrowed down the major I chose based on how much math was required! So needless to say, I was so glad to be done with figuring out equations for the rest of my life. In real estate, calculating your mortgage payment, or how much a seller will walk away with is easy to me…no big deal. But these crazy solve for “X” equations (all 300 of them) is too much for my brain to take.

We go to Nemours tomorrow…we were supposed to come up with 4-6 menus of 125mg of Lysine in them…I was going to try and do that today…but instead I got so frustrated and have been crying uncontrollably ever since. I don’t have any menus. Rob promises he will help me…and I know he will. I joke that he’ll spend five years explaining this and then when I finally get it, Reagan will be going to school…he told me he’d explain it for the rest of his life if he has to (what a good and patient man). I am so blessed to have a dedicated husband, who’s also very good at math b/c it’s not easy to explain math to someone like this…wish us luck!

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Labor Day

It’s been a while since I’ve posted and that’s due to a lot of things…1) I need to be in the mood to write 2) I’ve been super busy and 3) while I could whip up a blog post, if I’m not “feeling it” or feeling in the mood to let my words flow without it seeming like work, I just don’t do it. I’ve got lots of things I want to write about but when the mood strikes, I just stop everything else and start typing…(sorry laundry).

Last week, Rob and I had the brilliant idea to go to the beach on Labor Day weekend, not on Labor Day b/c that’s just crazy talk, but on Sunday…you know, to beat the crowds. I laugh just writing that. I mean, I knew it would be busy, but I guess I’ve never gone to the beach during Labor Day weekend b/c it was jam packed!

This was really our first outing that required so much packing and planning. We borrowed a tent from our lovely friends Dan and Rebekah, packed a lunch, and it was a darn good lunch too…sandwiches, watermelon, berries, it was special people. Plus, I got special baby SPF 50 sunscreen (let’s block the UVA and UVB rays, and get the super thick kind that you have to work in like you’re waxing a car). I was so excited, hopeful and freaked out for our first trip to the beach.

During the hour or so drive, we anticipated that Reagan would give us her usual hour or hour and a half nap, we left at the perfect time for it to happen, but, she only slept for 20 minutes. This will be…interesting…

As we drove on the beach, we kept going and going trying to find a parking spot, while a little miss fussy pants began to brew in the back seat.

After we parked, Rob took the tent out and I’m all “is this going to be difficult? I don’t know how to do this, it’s hot…” But, Rob is seriously a master at figuring out how to do things, put them together, fix them, etc…if it were me, I’d just buy an umbrella that would probably keep flying away so that I’d constantly need to re-dig a hole. But Rob, he reads directions, and has skills and patience and such, he’s the opposite of me. So he patiently figured out what to do, used his muscles and his brain and kept telling me to “hold this down, push this up, put that there,” and I obliged b/c I don’t know what’s going on, only that it will get done right and faster if I listen to him. It took about 15-20 minutes (which to me seems like an eternity b/c I’m not patient, remember)…but voila! We had a tent!

Instead of feeding Reagan under the tent, I fed her in the AC’d car while Rob got us all set up with our towels, her toys and our lunch. Everything was going great, we had our happy girl, she was excited to be outside and we were just flying by the seat of our pants.

We had goals before we went to the beach and they were to 1) get there 2) get some pictures and 3) get ice cream. See, when you have attainable goals, you can succeed. Rob is the goal setter which just means he’s trying to give his wife with freak out tendencies reasonable things to expect. I shouldn’t expect that Reagan will love every moment of this new and terrifying experience.

So, we got there, CHECK!

Side story…I met a gal who also had her 6 month baby there…it was not her baby’s first trip, nope. They’ve been coming to the beach since the baby was 4 days old and it looked like they had the beach deal down pat…and she also had the body of Jillian Michaels, she looked fantastic. I was super grateful for her taking our first family beach photo. She was so nice, even though she looked like a super model. After talking with her and staring at her abs, I decided to go back and eat my big turkey sandwich on ciabatta bread and contemplate how many sit ups I’d need to do to have her rock hard abs.

Jillian Michaels

So after goal one of getting to the beach was achieved, we decided to get some pictures of Reagan while she was awake and still happy.

This is the first photo, we've got a tired one on our hands...
This is the first photo, we’ve got a tired one on our hands…
Reagan and Daddy
Reagan and Daddy
Reagan and mommy 2
See our big tent?! It was up and down before you could say “labor day weekend beach day.”
Reagan and mommy
Reagan and mommy
Feet in the sand and water for the first time!
Feet in the sand and water for the first time! What IS THIS?

Reagan splash 2

The water is moving! It's splashing me!!!
The water is moving! It’s splashing me!!!
Not a fan of the splashing water...
Not a fan of the splashing water…
Reagan and Daddy in ocean
Since I don’t like the splashing water…maybe I’ll like standing right in the ocean.
Nope!
Nope!
Close up of Reagan's pure terror.
Close up of Reagan’s pure terror.

Even though Reagan cried for about 30 minutes straight after this point and I felt bad for the folks around us since we really couldn’t calm her down, it was such a great day. It’s so fun to watch your baby experience things for the first time. She doesn’t know what the beach is or why it’s so bright, so watery and sandy, or what the heck is happening, but she’s with her parents and it will be OK…and we’ll keep taking her to the beach so that she knows, it’s OK. (You gotta like the beach Ray Ray…it’s kinda where we vacation).

And the body builder was kind enough to take this photo of us to capture our first family beach day. I’m so glad abs was there and demanded the camera out of my hands…I sucked in as much as I could to make the photo nice. I’ll try to do better next time, Jillian.

First family beach trip!
First family beach trip!
ice cream obtained. goals met. sorry jillian michaels, but i'm not sorry about this...it's FROZEN GOLD!
ice cream obtained. goals met. sorry jillian michaels, but i’m not sorry about this…it’s FROZEN GOLD!